Blah said the woman

Lessons Learnt - Review Meeting

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:32:00 -0400

Life has a funny way of teaching you the people who matter and those who don’t. Is that a distinction, really?

I mean, i’m not (yet) old enough to be contemplating anything, but, i guess it is for the best what happens..for anything..including something as simple as people who touch your life, be it friends from many years, or even acquaintances. And when they leave, they’ve actually made a mark.

And you go, note to self: this is what works (or not?) for me and this what i should do (or not?) in these situations.

More and more i learn that there is no wrong or right or correct or weird. It is how someone is being, it is how I’M being. And sometimes, everything works and sometimes nothing does, or it’s all stuck heaped up somewhere in the middle pulling in two directions.

And when things are shattered and you need to pick up your life, or there is that big elephant in the room, or you got bitten, or deconstructed and discarded, you must know that life. goes. on.

As i look out from my window at the remnants of a book fair being packed up and taken away, i reflect upon a bunch of things leaving me in a tizzy of goosebumps. I feel light.

Off i go and return with more boring life-osophies.

More blotches

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:44:38 -0400

Looking at pictures on our widely growing web, i realized i should have known some more people slightly better. Visited more places, that kinda thing. We do live once.

Blotch.

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 04:00:00 -0400

Strange to be noticed, yet not. To be loved, but subtly. When you can hear romance screaming, and yet feel like a far fleeting noise. You want to be spoilt, but it is a dead art. Pent up emotion, but sounds pin-drop quiet at the mouth. Empty.

When your mind craves for a drama of the emotions, complacency shatters it all. All you have are blotches of unfulfilled expectations and unsung emotions. What is life, if you can’t express? I regret dying unloved, and i regret sweeping my thoughts under the carpet.

Deserve, hope, wish, are all nothing but words when there is no word to express, and no action to bring them to life.

Chasm. Hades. Hell. Abyss.

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 12:47:00 -0400

Have you ever felt like you fail everything?

like you want to just shrivel up to non existence?

like every action just crumbles to nothingness?

like there’s deplorable gut wrenching self loathing?

like when you begin to question faith and purpose?

like there’s a gaping chasm?

like there’s no light?

like your hell is right now?

you long for something to look forward to. to climb out of there. a wee little inspiration. just to summon some strength.

until then, hang in there my friend. for all will be back in order.

I am woman

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 17:48:29 -0500

Some say that a woman is for sleeping with
Long winter nights..
Some say that a woman is for play-like
Like a sexy dancer on a green harvest ground
To make her dance with nine-castanets…
Some say she is my spouse..
Some say she is the spiritual debt
That I carry around my neck
Some say; she’s the one who leavens my bread,
Some say; she’s one who gives my children birth…
She’s neither this nor that, not a sexy dancer, not a spouse, not a debt, none of that!
She is my arms and my legs and my head..
My mother, my wife, my sister, my lover-confidant
She is My Lifelong Bosom Friend…

~ Nazım Hikmet

Today's musings.

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 01:11:23 -0500

I keep hitting these high-lows about how i am with new people in my life.

I mean, they’re not family but i live with them and a whole new distinction builds up. So, these are new people, and there are weird moments and queer things, and i’m sure they feel the same way about me.

I realized that holding up any upset against people with whom you can’t communicate at that level, is pointless. Hence, I’m trying to take the high road for as long as i can. Although, I’d like to see and acknowledge how i’m perceived and the things i do to annoy people, via someone’s eyes.

Picking up an excerpt from a conversation, a friend was just describing how everyone like to believe they’re in control of how others perceive them. And it is true, we do. Which is why we end up talking about other people with other people, and so on.

Note to self: Must try to confront and complete rather than the whole “talk about other people with other people” theory.

Oh, and also, there’s only a level up-to which any person will let you know them. Any hint of impingement of the forbidden space results in a lot of tumult. First hand experiences, and arbit realizations have happened over the years.

The psyche of human interactions is so complex and interesting, and also scary on some level.

Well, adieu for now.

Uncertain

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 15:23:00 -0500

I’m at a space in life where so many things are uncertain. I don’t even want to venture near them because of a zillion decision points.

I always go back to Margaret Mitchell’s Scarlett O’ Hara saying “Tomorrow is another day”

Hard to stay focused on the present and to not take things personally when you feel like there are myriad things are directed at you.

Especially now, there are so so many things that are going on, bringing constant change. It isn’t adventure so to say. Sigh.

Today’s train of thought ends with a profound sigh.

Squirm

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:28:00 -0500

There has been a weird squirmish period in my life now and funnily, i don’t know what to do about it. I realized how much trouble it is for me to deal with emotional dramas and arguments. I just phase out and in a long time i have been bawling like a little child, because i don’t get volatility.

Well, I hadn’t written for a while and i’m starting to go back to a victim mode every single time something happens to me..probably need to get myself tested for a mental illness.

Somehow today, i realized, as much as an extrovert i am, there’s a little part of me closed off from everyone, the part that negates my complete being of a strong woman. And i suck at dealing with emotions. Love, Friendship, is an all natural. Anger, Upsets (worse when other people are upset) are something that i can’t fathom, my whole self goes absolutely haywire and all that integrity to myself becomes questionable.

So i’m not really sure how i’m going to deal with this, cause i’m sure some major breakdowns in my life have happened for my utter lack of being able to handle emotions. If there’s one thing i detest it is being manipulated. It just sets me off. So, I bloody well need to get to some way to deal with stuff cause, who am i kidding?! pff! nobody grows younger by day, and there are so many people to meet and so much left unexplored.

Poetry verses from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:45:57 -0400

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Hawaa ke jhonkon ke jaise azad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ik naya samaan dekhein yeh nigaahein

Jo apni aankhon mein hairaaniyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Murphy.

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 13:25:21 -0400

So. I blame Murphy. For. everything. ulta in my life.

That way, no other person i know is affected ;)

Nice disclaimer to have no?

An aftermath?

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 16:07:00 -0400

Ok. So in continuation to all the super drama about my leaving to the OO ESS of YAY, i decided to put in a little bit of aftermath. Also, cause i’m in a mood to write now suddenly ;)

I land in the seemingly land of opportnities on the 6th of August. My rommies and I hear that some guggu of an apartment manager hasn’t given my already present roommate the keys. No move in. Stuck in airport.

Saviour of my Amrikka trip: Sangeetha, Lakshmi’s(my roommate) cousin. She comes to the airport jet speed, decides to pack the whole load of us+20 bags to her house. She helped set up the whole of our house, by the way. Her husband is oh so sweet and the children are ADOrable.

Like all good things, this fleeting happiness came to an end. We move in the next day. Apartment smells of insecticide. We were all ‘yay let’s move in. this is so fun’. The apartment was like ‘Umm no. There are bedbugs’. So it beginneth. I’m like i soo like didn’t sign up for this! Thoo!

We are battling bedbugs, every.single.day.since then. Bloody things can survive nukes i’m sure. I’ve reached a level where i trust the bugspray more than any single living human being. I sleep with it. Ammerikka. Really? These creepy crawlies are by our sides singing lullabies every night. How Monsters Inc. freaky is that?

The guggu decides to fumigate our apartment by getting us to move out after packing our hoard of belongings. We come back in. unpack. Hey bedbugs! how you doin? all over again. We tell the guggu again. Vicious cycle.

My health says. Hey man, i’m le tired and decides to go all Lemony Snicket’s Series of unfortunate events on me. And the sun! Oh don’t even get me started on that. LA, Chennai = sameguy. Le me is now unhealthy freak of nature and living with bedbugs. Like how cool is that, right?

So. Aftermath goes on still. Much like the size of the Dinosaur era.

My tryst with being overly sentimental.

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 12:24:12 -0400

Last 2 weeks in Bangalore. Before i move to the United States for a short while. There is so much to ground me here. Every single memory and all that i am, since i was able to talk till today and everyday. every.single.thing. It’s all ayyayyo only.

I don’t know if to say that i will miss things will even summarize to a minute level as to what i feel. It is as though the life in my veins are breaking down. It feels as though someone cut off my oxygen Supply. I feel that strongly. I didn’t think i could feel so much.

So yeah, i’m bracing myself for the worst two weeks of my life. I read somewhere that to begin is the hardest thing to do.

It is. And I have to BEGIN a new life from 2 weeks now. Minus my family, minus my friends, minus the physical being of care and love. Besides, now that i’m here, i might as well do it right? Go ahead with my choices i mean? Why does choice have to come with a tag? Why can’t it be itch-free?

I might see good about this “situation” soon. But right now, it’s all senti-mental-ness and tears man. You know, i’m telling myself, because i never cried at any farewells or last days, this is the revenge all those days are taking on me.

There’s just one little selfish thing i wish for. That people close to my heart stay happy and healthy. And continue to be in my life for as long as they can.

My farewell email to folks at office. Thought it should be kept here for reminisce

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 05:37:00 -0400

I’m very sorry about not being able to speak up today (27/6/2012). Was quite emotional. Thought I’ll make it up by writing! Here’s a supremely long email :-P

This team is very dear to me and it has been a pleasure to work with and know everyone. Have also made friends to last for life and it’s quite sad that I won’t be seeing you all everyday!

First and foremost, Prathitha- Thank you for giving me an opportunity to getting to know you and everyone from the team. It has been an amazing journey with a lot of learning as well as getting to know new people. Joining as an SQA really doesn’t limit the people you can meet at various levels in the hierarchy. It is brilliant exposure. I look up to you and respect you a lot. I will miss our daily lunches and all the fun we have had. Will give you a list of PG Wodehouse books to read as promised! And I can’t forget about multiple events floor decoration, cheering for a match, Bheemeshawari, all those yummy treats!, everything is dear to me. Even to write, I feel as though there are not enough words. Thank you Prathitha!

Rajasekhar- Sir, It has been a lot of learning to be part of your team. I will miss your support and push to do things. Plus, the whole time whenever I have had a chance to work alongside you, be it audits, reviews, trainings, there is always a mental note that I make of something additional I should check the next time. Or additional points I can add to my knowledge about work or studies. All those team lunches were yummy! Thank you sir. Never afraid of NCs and always looking at RCA closure :D jokes apart, will look up to you for any guidance for your vast knowledge on everything to do with quality and of course SPB.

Bhavya- You have been an amazing friend from the day we joined. That apart, work wise we have always discussed common doubts and shared any analysis if we have done something differently. I am unable to find words to fit here or describe so many of those fun times. Also, now you are the scapegoat for all pranks that are due to happen :D She is very committed to work and has some outing plan every other day. A true trek guide! :D

Harsha, Karthik, Nanda (and Sanjay)- I always remember you guys together because from day one we have all sat around each other. We have helped each other with anything related to work and so many of those pranks!! :D I will miss slyly occupying peoples’ systems while one of us are on the lookout and one of us is furiously googling for funny stuff! :D I will miss all that fun. Nanda- you are a very helpful and supportive person. Never have any of us felt that we can’t share things irritating about work and you have always been ready to lend a helping hand. You have brilliant knowledge about how everything works in Aricent. Prankster Head, has quieted down for a while now :D Nanda, do tell your wife it was really nice meeting her.

Harsha/Karthik- The dynamic duo(for pranks and trainings). Inseparable. Karthik and Harsha are knowledge banks of everything under the sun! Harsha of course for gadgets! He has something new to share every day. Karthik has a very good grasp on basics we have studied and helps out for anything. Karthik will frame those proud laser tag scores! He is always excited about any plans we make to meet out. And Harsha has waited for those quad-core mobiles with bated breath and finally got his hands on the HTC One X (Which he only lets other people see :-P)! :D Both Harsha and Karthik, are very sweet and straightforward. It’s a good quality to carry in work and life.

(Sanjay- I will talk to him offline :D)

KK- Like he shared in the meeting, we hit it off with books and dancing. Although we got to work only for Agile bug and the Agile event, we have always spoken about myriad other things apart from work. KK, I still thank you for keeping me company till majestic :D Your house is spic and span, and you are a total philosopher from all the conversations we have had. We should have more of those chaipatty-scrabble-your house dinner get togethers.

Rahul- You are the go to guy for all filmi gossip!! Haha! Won’t ever forget anything from lunch times. You are very sweet and it’s amazing how you handle three big dogs (and all the strays on your street :)) I will definitely keep in mind about your look out for one American girl! :D vaise mein bahut door nahi hoon. Ek ping kardiya to baat ho jaayegi. He has been the glue to bind all our treats and those yummy cakes. He is also a panth for Onsite projects!

Sanjukta/Suma- Somehow I can never think of you guys without each your names side by side. Although I have not worked with you both, you are both very hospitable and sweet. It is always nice to come to the campus office knowing you guys will be there. Now Rahul is also there, and I failed to pick up an ounce of Bengali from Rahul or Sanjukta :P It’s like how K1 feels when Prachi talks Hindi, I’m left clueless at the end of the paragraph :D

Maninder- First thing that comes to mind is her long plait. And that fun Punjabi! One of the lunch gang and will be missed! She has handled her pregnancy with so much patience! Best wishes to new mommy in our group, Manni and her beautiful baby Keerat! – btw Manni, those pakodas at your place were awesome. Manmohan Singh ko ek hi bolo meri taraph se bhi kabhi :-P

Suma BS- My mentor, very supportive and knows everything in every SDP/SDMP, who came back all patient post delivery (she used to talk about pre delivery shouting at PMs) :-P I always hover around when she’s around. You can never know when Suma is around because you can’t spot her until you are near her desk :D Poor Suma was a target for all those numerous prank mails about mysore dasara! Hahaha! Tiny person with so much energy. Hates pets, very scared of dogs. Such a sweet baby your Dhruv is Suma. My best wishes to him for a super fun childhood and accolades throughout his life.

Prachi- Prachi, latest addition to the prank train. Any statistics related doubt, she is the right person to go to. We are both desperately waiting for 12.30pm everyday to run to eat. Makes yummy Chana Masala. She is very jovial, keeps singing songs that come to her mind. So energetic, and wants to do fun stuff all the time. Super fast with hindi and generally talking, she reminds me of Kareena in Jab We Met :D would love to spend some more time so we should all meet up again soon!

Benny- First thing that comes to mind is how patient you are. I have never seen Benny agitated or angry with something. Another thing is your DSLR and lovely pictures of the Singapore trip. Have not interacted with you much but will always remember one super suggestion from you – to have a single group id for escalations in the qg group so that customers can directly contact us. Fun to have around and wishing you all the best for future and life!

K2- He’s such a quiet guy as far as I’ve known him. Finishes all his tasks and leaves for the day. Fluent in tamil, telugu, and kannada. Never taken part in our many pranks but when he does, it is with solid evidence :P Bhavya must know about the chai patty drinking photo :D Wishing you all the best K2 for all your future endeavors.

Thank every one of you for contributing to my life in a special way. All said and done, it is especially hard for going to go away from everything and everyone I have known since childhood. Wishing each one of you happiness and best wishes! Will definitely miss you all and will stay in touch!!:)

Dread

Thu, 31 May 2012 02:59:48 -0400

So the postmortem of this admit receiving is quite weird. I’m in a phase where every evening my whole life till now flashes by and i think of all the people who are dear. Automatic reaction triggers tears without my knowledge.

I’m dreading how this whole emotion management is going to be from the Bangalore airport onwards.

On life and some other news stuff

Thu, 24 May 2012 01:58:23 -0400

More fucked up happenings. Yes, fuel prices have increased and it is now a WHOPPING 82 Rs. And simultaneously, America decided to a “Ha Ha” at us. Dollar rate is at 56 Rs. And I. I am good, thanks. Just give me a swimming pool or something. I shall float around till i drown.

Sonder

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:03:51 -0400

Sonder:

purisubzi:

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

(via dictionaryofobscuresorrows)

The all my posts are random post

Tue, 22 May 2012 01:18:00 -0400

There is so much happening in my life and my head right now you wouldn’t believe it.

The last couple of months has been a frenzy. It’s as if the whole time everything has been just one big long continuous sentence, with no punctuations

Begin January, it was new year and all good. I started to think about where i wanted to be in my life next. That dormant thought about going to pursue masters came back.

So then it began, a race to meet the deadline for one and only one university, which i was sure of making it to. But in truth, me was just lazy to apply anywhere else i suppose. Never told anyone and can’t believe how easy it is to just write it down like this. Mixed reactions happened after many people heard about my application. Some were happy and some dear friends helped a lot, some (so i thought) good friends said i might not get in (as pep talk) and some were somewhat relieved that i finally took a step about it. All my decisions are like waiting to see a tiger on Indian safaris you see.

And amidst all this, there were thoughts,questions,god knows whats, in my head about life and whom i’m going to be with and how it is going to turn out and another whole big frenzy about running far away from home because they thought i’m old enough to settle down (Honestly i’m having a adolescent-adult life crisis here, and settle down?! with a husband? and cook for him?? and deal with a million other responsibilities? i’m so not ready to deal with that! especially if it is with someone i know squat about. I mean, who wants to start getting to know someone while living with them? it’s kinda weird to me. But my parents are all - You don’t know what you are saying. You are immature. You are too young to decide. You stay here with us and get married. You need to be pregnant before you hit 30, or else!) Anyway, so here i am in this crazy frenzy thinking that one admit will solve my problems , well not problems really. Whatever.

Then fate said *mwahahaha no no no nononono!! you wait!* and then the admit came off, during my daily drama-rama. Now it is another frenzy of post admit getting worries. NOW there are different mixed reactions from everyone i know on the planet! and honestly i really thought some of my best friends were not weird match making aunties. Turns out they are. Anyway, i absolutely love some people who have decided that sticking their foot in my face is not the best thing to do right now. Apart from those folks, all y’all whose feet are in my face, MOVE!! Stick it in your own faces for once.

And then Bounce fell ill. With Arthritis. Putting a stop to my scatterbrained days and filling them up with a lot of sadness.

Amongst other frenzied happenings, i still love my life. I do. And the foot-stickers and the non-foot-stickers. Just one group at a time and then i’ll count everyone in together.

Frenzy. Australian accent mimicry. Food. Mangoes. Some crazy running around. Some tears. Some laughter later, here i am. Still standing. Sigh. Ok bye for now.

Geek Vs Nerd

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 11:40:10 -0500

Geek Vs Nerd

nikicl: Don’t waste old buttons…make bookmarks. Idea from...

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 09:34:03 -0500

nikicl:

Don’t waste old buttons…make bookmarks.

Idea from Pinterest.

albotas: A Little Bit On The Bowser Side: One bored-ass man...

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 09:33:47 -0500

albotas:

A Little Bit On The Bowser Side: One bored-ass man with a buttload of a colored duct tape and spare time on his hands made this huge Bowser sprite in his driveway. When asked how he accumulated so much tape, he told authorities it was leftovers from all the girls he had tied up in his garage. The man is currently in police custody and awaiting trial. Okay, everything after the first sentence I completely made up.

(via Obvious Winner)